THE FIVE RULES IN LIFE

[Lasonic TRC-920]

1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a
Cadillac than on a bicycle and most importantly you suffer in comfort.
2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the ass-hole's name.
3. If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when
they're in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.

AND A BONUS RULE:
Condoms do not guarantee safe sex; a friend of mine was wearing one when he
was shot by the woman's husband!


SIMPLE TRUTH #1 Lovers help each other undress before sex.
However after sex, they always dress on their own.
Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.


SIMPLE TRUTH #2
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and say,
"Congrats".
But, none of them come and touch the man's penis and say, "Good job".
Moral of the story: "Hard work is never appreciated."

 

[redbenjoe]

hahahahahaha --great post-- all the way

" because its illegal to shoot them "

 

[baddboybill]

all very true

 

[blu_fuz]

Hahahaha . So much truth spoken

 

[JustCruisin]

"good job!"

 

[Scotty_M]

Haha made my day Chris.

 

[Lasonic TRC-920]

Some times it's just nice to think this way...

 

[im_alan_partridge]

The truth, the whole truth and ...... you know the rest

 

[Fatdog]

I actually have a T-shirt I bought about 16 years ago that has "Some people are alive simply because it is illegal to kill them." I remember wearing one day when I stopped at the post office. You would have thought I was a celebrity rock star or something. I'm not sure how well it would be accepted today - too many uptight people in the world now.

 

[BoomboxLover48]

"Condoms do not guarantee safe sex; a friend of mine was wearing one when he
was shot by the woman's husband

cannot stop laughing.......

 

[BoomboxLover48]

all very true

Condoms do not guarantee safe sex; a friend of mine was wearing one when he
was shot by the woman's husband!

If so ....who is this your friend Bill?

 

[floyd]

also never ride in a car with an angry woman ,why ? , because chris rock said so lol.

 

[Ghettoboom767]

"If it works don't fix it,if it's broke-it wasn't any good in the first place" Always loved this saying (lol)

 

[superlew]

I actually have a T-shirt I bought about 16 years ago that has "Some people are alive simply because it is illegal to kill them." I remember wearing one day when I stopped at the post office. You would have thought I was a celebrity rock star or something. I'm not sure how well it would be accepted today - too many uptight people in the world now.

Too true. I have a "WWF" (World Wildlife Fund) shirt with a picture of 2 panda bears wrestling. A lady at the grocery store last year told me she thought the shirt was inappropriate, whatever the hell that means. I'm pretty mouthy, so I pointed her in the right direction. Ayway, people are afraid of their own shadows these days.

 

[JustCruisin]

Too true. I have a "WWF" (World Wildlife Fund) shirt with a picture of 2 panda bears wrestling. A lady at the grocery store last year told me she thought the shirt was inappropriate, whatever the hell that means. I'm pretty mouthy, so I pointed her in the right direction. Ayway, people are afraid of their own shadows these days.

I don't take any crap from coupon-clipping old ladies at the supermarket either!

 

[Styleking]

That sound's a lot like the fight I had with my ex-wife. We were watching "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" one night in bed. I turned to her and said "you want to fool around?" She said "no. I said "Is that your final answer?" she said "Yes". So I said "Well then I think I'd like to phone a friend" and that was how the fight began..................... :catfight:

 

[baddboybill]

That sound's a lot like the fight I had with my ex-wife. We were watching "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" one night in bed. I turned to her and said "you want to fool around?" She said "no. I said "Is that your final answer?" she said "Yes". So I said "Well then I think I'd like to phone a friend" and that was how the fight began..................... :catfight:

 

[Lasonic TRC-920]

I actually have a T-shirt I bought about 16 years ago that has "Some people are alive simply because it is illegal to kill them." I remember wearing one day when I stopped at the post office. You would have thought I was a celebrity rock star or something. I'm not sure how well it would be accepted today - too many uptight people in the world now.

...And that is WHY we must wear our Offensive shirts from 16 years ago! We mustn't let others dictate how we feel OR be politically correct. Isn't that what terrorism is? Someone gives you crap and then you're afraid to do it again! Screw that.

Thank you Bobby...I am going to go dig out all my old offensive t-shirts that the wife told me not to wear anymore!

 

[Ghettoboom767]

Spring Break 92' T-shirt Daytona Beach.
Barney is drunk on the beach passed out! That's about as offensive I have!!(lol)

 

[-GZ-]

Love it, Chris!